too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize