did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
