I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
