I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
organizing the empties. That sober.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
