Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's the barista slut.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
