I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
