i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
