I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
