i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
