I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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