so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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