my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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