We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
