I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
