just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
