sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
its liver damage thursday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
