What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
