i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
