I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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