Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
