i just google imaged poop.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
