I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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