My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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