So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
