I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize