Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
