He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
