tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
