Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
