so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
