dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
