Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
