He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
