1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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