You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
