It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
nutella sex= disaster
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
cat food counts as protein by the way
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
