oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
