I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
