see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
