Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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