Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
