Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
