Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
