Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
