I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Barsexuality is the new black.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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