this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
