So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
