walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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