He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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