How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
