You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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