Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
