like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
