Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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