im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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