Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
