So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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