just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
should my penis look like a turkey
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
