tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
