Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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