im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
