Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
