Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
