whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
