so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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