No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Couch. On fire.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
