her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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