im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
