my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
