I seem to have left my pride at pride
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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