I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
