i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
