There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
