just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
