It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
only if we run a train.
done.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
