yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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