She's JV to your varsity
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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