I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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